Change

Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone. I took a tad break from posting to sit in my own thoughts for a bit. I came home to Philadelphia and wrote a small recap of my Chicago trip and felt refreshed. But, see, there's a keyword in here: home.

I have fought with myself to call Philadelphia my home. With Chicago, it was natural. I can be totally bored but walk the streets and feel safe and curious and entertained. Philadelphia has been a slow transition and a struggle to say the least. I have cried a lot and I have worried about my path.

But I feel better now.

Ohio is home and Chicago is home. And now, Philadelphia is home. I moved, yes, but it doesn't change where I came from. The Midwest is so strongly embedded in who I am and no location change will ever take that away. If anything, ripping myself out of my comfort zone has made me feel more proud of where I came from and where I'm going.

I'm on the upswing now — I'm on the brink of signing a new apartment lease (so pumped) and I'm finally making some friends and getting out in the city. I'm getting it together. And I finally feel optimistic.

Work is pulling me through everything. I am excited every day. Every time someone asks for my story, they point out how amazing it is that everything fell into place for me like this. And they're so, so right.

I think there's a common misconception about me (and probably other bloggers as well, as I've come to learn this about many people whose careers are heavily internet-based), but I am shy as can be. I'm awkward.

So this is a lesson I've had to learn for the past few months. The times are changing and I can't fight it, no matter how badly I wish I was hanging out with my old friends or getting into my old troubles. It's time to make new friends. And get mischievous here. And stop being so worried that people will think that I'm that 'weird Internet girl.' Because you know? I am. Fuck it.



And with this comes an unexpected change. For the past year and half, I've sported the same hair. On a whim, I decided to go with a nice wine and (very) faded pink.


Let's do this, Philadelphia.

Sparkle and Fade Mesh Dolman Sweater, Urban Outfitters
Second Skin Denim in Charcoal, Cheap Monday
Kimchi Blue Toe Cap Wedges, Urban Outfitters
Cat and Skull Cameo, Rudy's Roundup
Lipcolor: Oil Slick (sheer grey), Urban Decay